Parents of America - I know you are busy working and all
but can't you stop a moment to see what today's marketers are trying to jam down the throats of today's pre-teens?
"Do you like to hang out with your best friends? Sing? Dance? Giggle? Whisper secrets? Have fun all day long? Then come on in, because we're girls just like you!
If you don't pay attention to what your latch key tween girls are watching on let me warn you that they are watching the commericial for "Girl Authority" over and over again.
"Girl Authority" is the latest in a series of "bands" created in the labs of greedy corporations designed to separate American family's from their hard earned money and replace it with the empty calories of sugar coated, reissued fake kid pop.
Once again we have songs written by adults for adults repacked as kids music but the twist with Girl Authority is that the kids in the band are not real kids but cardboard cutouts of stereotypes dreamed up in some boardroom. Somewhere a group of marketers came up with a list of "cool types" of girls and then hired a bunch of kid actors to embody these stereotypes.
"Blessed with strong voices and engaging personalities, the girls' love for music, fun and friendship shines through on their debut album. "
An energetic and tightly knit unit, the girls perform group songs on the record with verve and the occasional collective giggle. Each member of Girl Authority also has her own distinct personality and sings a solo track in her unique style.
"Country Girl loves country music" Duh! She is "twangy".
"Party Girl is always up for a good time" not unlike
"Rock-n-Roll Girl has a fun-loving wild side" Oh that rock and roll girl is just so rebellous!
"Urban Girl adores city life" Maybe because she lives in the city? Urban Girl is described as "soulful".
"Preppy Girl is a cute schoolgirl" The one the Japanese business men like the best I suppose, didn't "preppy" come and go in the 80s? This one is "sassy"!
"Boho Girl has all-natural flair" Boho that's a new one. I suppose its a take on Bohemian, updated earthy-crunchy.
"Glamour Girl is a young sophisticate" - oh yes make up certainly is the key to sophistication.
"Fashion Girl is crazy for clothes" - I guess Math Wiz Girl and Science Girl didn't make the cut.
"All-Star Girl loves sports" - another Duh!
Ohh where will you pigeon-hole your daughter? Ohhh I always dreamed that she would grow up to be a young sophisticate with an all-natural flair
By the way if you order the CD you can get an autographed poster, most likely signed by the robots that created this CD.
See my reviews of Kid Bopz and Devo 2.0 if you don't believe me that this crap is a runaway train aim directly at our kids.
Are These The Lyrics You Want Your Tween Girls Listening To?
Hollaback Girl
"Oooh, this my *** , this my *** [4x]
I heard that you were talking ****
And you didn't think that I would hear it
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up "
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"Jane" Magazine had this to say about: Girl Authority, a band of nine girls in their tweens and teens, assuming Spice Girl-like monikers (Boho Girl, Urban Girl, Preppy Girl) and singing covers of girl-power anthems such as..."Dancing Queen" and "Material Girl." I am EXTREMELY pro teen girls in bands as a means to empowerment (word to Girls Rock Camp and Willie Mae Rock Camp), though something about the way these girls are packaged as conduits to consumerism leaves me a little unsettled--as though asserting purchasing power is a viable entree into, as they put it, the "authority sorority." (I can't front, though--I am stoked on that term. AUTHORITY SORORITY.) I also have to say, it is pretty amazing listening to how they handle the "shit" in "Hollaback Girl"'s lyric "this my shit": "ooh, this my SSHHHHH." You thought Ludacris's radio-version sound effects were creative.
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